Part 1: The Divorcee
The Divorcee had taken up with a co-worker, well ok that doesn’t really explain things. The Divorcee had befriended a co-worker who was also tipping 30 and trying to take a bite out of life, and she has spent a few months trying to get him to take a bite out of her. Through a wide verity of events she ended up getting her wish Halloween night. From that night on The Divorcee and her “guy she was seeing” (The Widow suggested we call him Mr. Burns) added an “adult encounter” to their list of weekly activities and still chose to avoid terms such as “boyfriend” and “dating.” All “adult encounters” had been limited to the apartment of Mr. Burns until this past weekend when the Divorcee had hoped to shake things up a bit by having the slumber party at her house instead. When Mr. Burns arrived at the house he was disheveled and high off his ass, dis spite this he had somehow remembered the movie he had promised to bring, and because of this he had managed for forget just about anything else he might have wanted to have with him. The Divorcee knew instantly that the stress of a strange place and the presents of the other housemates and dogs was going to be too much for Mr. Burns and more then likely she would be falling asleep next to her puppy instead of naked next to Mr. Burns. Much to The Divorcee’s delight the night took the turn it normally did a.k.a. naughtiness ensued, but in an effort to mix things up a bit they tried a new angle of approach; at this time it must be mentioned that The Divorcee is a rather petite women and that Mr. Burns in hung like a horse; at any rate physics was not on there side so while Mr. Burns succeeded in gaining entry to “The Holy Land” the squeeze through the gates had been a bit more then he could stand. Needless to say the night lacked a happy ending on his part, he would recover by the next day and mostly the divorcee would be happy that for once she was not the victim of the sex related injury. As predicted Mr. Burns did not end up sleeping over and when he left the house that night he was nearly as disheveled as when he had come and forgot his coat and hat in the process.
*** as a side note Mr. Burns requested that if the blog ever became famous for his identity to be withheld.***
Part 2: The Widow
Later that same week while watching TV The Divorcee got a phone call from The Widow. At first it was nearly impossible to make out what she was saying she was laughing so hard. Once The Widow composed herself a little she started her story afresh. Apparently The Widow and “a male friend” were making out in the living room of Friends house and at the most inopportune moment the cable cut out causing the TV in The Friend’s Child’s bedroom to make a horrible noise waking the child up and causing the child to come running down the stairs and into the living room just as The Friend was cumming. The Widow and Friend both startled moved quickly to avoid an uncomfortable moment with Friend’s child resulting in The Widow taking a “shot” to the eye point blank. The Widow was left mostly blind in her now swollen, red, puffed up eye. The Widow was now talking to The Divorcee from the eye care isle of their local Wal-mart store. The next day The Widow looking a little like a prize fighter, the suggested eye patch was not required.
Part 3: The Gay Guy
The Gay Guy and his Gay Guy Pal were drunk, high and making out in a hotel room some time ago. As the pair became more amorous a certain lack for planing became an issue, neither of them had remembered Lube, a must in the gay sex arena. In addition to a lack of lube thanks to way too much pot they also had a lack of spit, which of course is the next best thing. The hopped up and horny pair began to search the room for something that might solve the problem at hand, the answer presented itself in the form of a complimentary travel sized bottle of shampoo. The two soaped up and “plunged in”. Like a bolt of lightning or a hot poker up the ass the flaw to their plan was reveled; The Gay Guy shot up off the bed and ran around the room Daffy Duck style screaming and fanning at his burning bum. The Gay Guy later confessed to The Widow and The Divorcee that yes there was a bubble or two but no love made that night.
~ The Divorcee
